Perception Deception

Perception Deception

There’s a meme making its way around the interwebs that has stuck with me since I first saw it. It goes something along the lines of:

How are you going to create a women’s empowerment conference when you’re a mean girl in real life?

At first I thought it was funny “lol there are some gals out there for sure that are doing that”. Then I thought, “oh snap, is this me?”. Then “What a disempowering thing to share about our fellow women who are out there trying to build women up by providing value, resources, and community.”

I’ve had the distinct pleasure of working for many men and I can’t remember one time that I’ve heard {or seen an internet meme} one of them talk shit about a mean man who is out there doing his work in a big way.

In the early stages of Charmed Cardinals I had the fear of being portrayed as a Mean Girl for not being inclusive enough. But as I’ve learned through trial and error over the past 4 years it’s important to be comfortable with the risk of being labeled by an outsider {or defector} as a Mean Girl when making decisions on the integrity of the society. If I don’t risk the chance of being the Mean Girl the whole thing will implode due to fear of being authentic and/or the inability to be brave enough to lead in the way I’m guided to.

When it’s not ok to be under the guise of an IRL Mean Girl:

I had a situation in my personal life recently where I was the pinata for a legit Mean Girl. It was a very stealthy and unexpected attack by someone whose personality I’d doubted for years. Sometimes it takes years for you to truly see someones true colors because they’re a master at hiding it. But once your brain confirms what your soul knew, it’s very liberating.

Since this scenario was personal life I felt it acceptable to shut the door on the friendship as opposed to meander with how it should be handled because of professionalism. As I’ve said before, I’m a slow learner but once something clicks and I see it in high def then I’m able to set up boundaries around the situation to protect myself.

This is your formal reminder that personal relationships should not cause more questioning of motives than the actual amount of time spent with said person.

Ok, on to the professional life.

We had a similar situation to the personal life saga like this happen within the society. Someone was trying to create a secret society within the secret society. A clique that only a select few would be invited to. Once the creators real motive became clear there were boundaries set up and it completely changed the way I formed relationships within the society. In Charmed Cardinals there are friendships, relationships, partnerships formed but everyone in that group needs to be treated equally while I’m leading it. Other groups have been formed outside of the society and I’m all for it. The more women’s groups we have, the better. But secret groups inside of groups…that exclusionary and creates the potential for a ton of hurt feelings and feelings of being deceived.

Ok Marsh, wasn’t this supposed to be about women’s empowerment conferences being led by Mean Girls?

Imma try to land the train as my bro biz idols from call it.

When it is ok to be under the guise of a perceived “Mean Girl”:

There are some women out there doing some major ass shit for the betterment of our gender and society in general.

When a woman is called to put something on at a large scale and all you “know about her” is from either social media, her past, or maybe a brief encounter that didnt meet your expectation cut her some slack.

Instead of doing what the patriarchy wants you to do and bring that petty ass drama to the web or your girls over text message: recognize that she is in fact trying to empower other women. In her own way.

Unless you have done so yourself you likely don’t know what it takes to curate and facilitate a live event. The logistics, the marketing, the sponsorship, the coordinating speakers, the financial risk, the vulnerability of bringing something into existence. It’s a lot of work. Maybe it could make someone mean? All that stress…

I would love for the name callers to spend less time worrying about their perception of that woman as a whole and look at what it is she is undertaking:

  1. Expansion.

  2. The risk of being labeled as a Mean Girl.

  3. Someone who is paving the way for others to lead.

  4. Naysayers with the classic: “Who does she think she is?”

I’ll tell you who she thinks she is because I am her. She is someone who knows she has talent in providing events that can bring women together to create more. She is an example for others to disregard what non-doers and judgers may think and she’s doing the damn thing. She is someone that has a life and very real obligations outside of her professional life.

As a borderline agoraphobic introvert that processes things slowly it’s easy for people to misconstrue me as a Mean Girl. I regularly get overwhelmed in public and forget peoples names, I prefer to be alone at baseball games/the pool/or anywhere else I’m obligated to be to watch/engage with my boys and being sober makes it difficult for me to be around people who use alcohol as a crutch to say things and behave how they believe they cant while unintoxicated. {disclaimer: I’m not shaming people for imbibing with alcohol. I know many people who aren’t dependent on it and it doesn’t make me uncomfortable to be around them. It’s those that have to have a drink in hand to express themselves that cause an energy suck.}

I’ve had to learn in both my personal and professional life that the Mean Girl label ultimately doesn’t mean shit though because I know I’m not one. And I know for sure I’m not because I personally know some of them who are out there. The beauty of it though is I don’t have to associate with them on a personal level.

And just like those dudes I worked for who knew there were shady ass men out there building things if they’re bringing expansion to the professional arena in a way that makes the world a better place, maybe it’s not all bad.

Be well sweethearts. You are in charge of your life. Keep connected to yourself and if you see something that irritates or pisses you off, process it and then do something about it that brings expansion, not judgement to the doers. That’s how my women’s empowerment conference {the Connector Conference} was born.

And most importantly, if you’re going to make jokes about how women are empowering other women, make sure you aren’t in fact a Mean Girl first. That could be awkward.


If you want to discuss anything relating to your personal or professional growth you can set up a free fifteen minute phone call here. We’ll discuss how to get back to making YOU your top priority.

Featured Females: June 2019

Featured Females: June 2019

Overcomitting Helps with Clarity

Overcomitting Helps with Clarity