Equal Energy Exchange

Equal Energy Exchange

I run a women’s empowerment society, so shouldn’t I do my best to empower all women?

Yes. And I wholeheartedly believe that I do. To the best of my ability.

Recently I ran into a situation where someone asked more from me than I was willing to give.

Almost a year prior to this particular request I thought I had set up a firm and proper boundary. But after months and months of little requests here and there it finally got to a breaking point and I ended the relationship.

Why was I helping her along the way after that initial firm “this is proprietary information and I don’t feel comfortable sharing with you”?

There were multiple reasons: because some time had passed, because I had the answers, because I felt obligated to based on her being a society member, because I knew that had someone asked her for help she would have gladly offered it up {this was a major one}.

But mostly because I was helping others. I was giving them way more help and valuable information than I was to her. I was their big sister who was helping them get their bearings while starting their businesses.

For my little sister people it felt right and good. It felt expansive and gave me joy. When they had exhausted their resources and needed an old ladies help, I was there for them. And then they were SO grateful.

Since I was giving so freely to those other women I guilted myself into thinking I had to do the same with this other person (and anyone else that asked help from me).

After a while it got to the point that I saw the expectations on my time and availability from this particular person was inappropriate. Receiving text messages asking how to handle a group dynamic that I’d been professionally navigating for years. Texting for advice on services to use.

Texts to my cell phone… it felt like a violation.

Is she totally at fault for this? Nope.

I’m 100% taking responsibility for my role in this situation.

The next time she asked for help after that email in May of last year I could have easily reaffirmed the boundary by saying, “I’m not comfortable discussing this”. It snuck up on me and because I saw this person regularly I felt obligated to share my expertise.

I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that the most empowering thing that a woman can do

is go into business for herself. To put her gifts and talents out there into the world while earning money in exchange for the value given to her clients. To be the one in charge of her financial future and freedom. To spend money in her community and keep the cash flowing.

So how is it fair that I am so available to some people but then not at all for others? If I’m not constantly available to answer society members or entrepreneur peers request for advice aren’t I not being collaborative? Shouldn’t I want to help and see others succeed. Regardless of who it is and what they need?

As I mentioned with my “little sisters”, they could reach out to me at any time and I wouldn’t bat an eye. Because I get something spiritually from helping these gals. I see their big pictures and I know that they come to me as a last resort because their growth mindsets keep them growing on their own, til they need a bit of help.

So why them? Why not the others? How can I be so helpful for just some?

The answer finally hit me … in the form of the very wise Gretch of The Home Business Whisperer. She said, “You need to have an even energy exchange when working with people.”

That made SO MUCH SENSE when she said it! But I still didnt get it, lol.

After months of reflection and situations at the most recent Connector Conference on Saturday, it finally really did hit me.

Other people’s expectations on my time and energy have nothing to do with me.

It’s THEIR expectation! I can meet, exceed or dismiss their expectation. I get to choose.

I’m finally at that point in my life where I know what I bring to the table. I grasp my work ethic and abilities. Unfortunately others have started to see it as well. And the peoples… they want some of it. They want a piece of it.

But unless there is an equal energy exchange between them and me, it’s not happening. Sometimes that energy exchange is cash monies. Sometimes that exchange is my investment in someone’s future. Sometimes that exchange is the opportunity to be of service.

But if it doesn’t feel equal to me, Imma peace out.

Are people going to be disappointed and upset? Yea.

Just as I’m disappointed and upset when I don’t get my way.

We ALL have different expectations, boundaries, values, purposes, etc. We want life to be easy and to be able to get what we want when we want it and how we want it.

I can assure you though if you’re out there looking for shortcuts while disregarding other peoples boundaries and values when they’ve been shared with you, that’s when things will get weird.

When we start placing unrealistic expectations on other peoples availability and willingness to make our lives easier because they “have the answers” or “know what we need to know” or “know who we need to know” that’s when we become delusional, victims and disempowered.

I get that we all have our own motives. Hell that’s the basis of everything that I teach. To prioritize yourself, your needs, your wants.

But I always want you to do it in an empowered way!

This website was down for a couple weeks and is just now back up a couple days after our second conference. The timing of the downed site was SUPER annoying (you’re dead to me WIX). But I empowered myself to get a brand new shiny website. I remembered that it’s no ones responsibility but mine to figure out how things are going to work. And then to get it done. And I did it. Because it was a priority.

There have been multiple instances this week where people have intended to prioritize their needs on me. I have politely declined to comply. Because of getting my site up, because of vertigo for two straight days, because of attempting to get the house back in order, but basically because I’m not feeling the energy exchange.

A recurring saying keeps coming up: you have to protect the asset.

What’s the asset? You. Or in this case, your energy.

Protect that stuff sugar plum! If you don’t, you wont be able to do your real work and make the impact you are supposed to.

You owe nothing to anyone. Ok, lemme give you some pointers…

Questions to ask yourself to ensure that there is an equal energy exchange:

When someone asks you for something do you feel obligated to help or do you feel a sense of wanting to help?

Can you envision yourself reaching out to them and asking for the same thing or something similar?

Is the relationship reciprocal? Does the person help you in ways that they are talented that you lack the skills at?

As someone asks you for lunch, coffee or a phone call do you feel dread? And wonder, “What is it they need this time?”.

When you commit to helping someone is it because you want them to owe you one or for any reason besides actually helping them?

What comes up when you think of helping this person? Is it you opening the door for them to ask you for more things?

The majorest of them all is: do you have ANY feelings of being taken advantage of? Even if the person is not intending to take advantage, if you feel like it is a violation and then go against your instincts, it’s detrimental to your empowerment and self trust. It WILL cause lasting blocks and issues. If you feel an inkling that you are being taken advantage of…RUN!

BTW, these questions are regarding professional relationships…I’m not touching personal with this one yet. Also, if someone has hired you or is exchanging money for service in regards to the above, then just make sure you are in alignment with the dollar amount. The above is more intended for professional relationships where monies is not exchanged.

See you next week! Until then, keep connecting the dots!


If you want to discuss anything relating to your personal or professional growth you can set up a free fifteen minute phone call with me here. We’ll discuss how to get back to making YOU your top priority.

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