Deflection for Protection

Deflection for Protection

A while back I was with a couple of trusted confidants in our sacred space known as a Monthly Sister Meeting. These meetings each month are our opportunity to share openly about ourselves, our thoughts, our beliefs and our situations in a protected way without repercussion {our oath we recite states just that}.

When it was my turn to speak I brought something up that concerned me about myself. Once I was done speaking {we have set rules that there’s no interjections while members are speaking—-learned that the hard way} the next gal up said, “Can I say something I’ve noticed about you?”

I was all “Hell yea.”

Not because she’s a society member or because I felt obligated but because I trust this lady. She has a very similar mission in life, holds her family the same way that I do, and always has the best of intentions. Which means I value what she has to say.

“I’ve noticed that you deflect. When people are complementing you or are in awe of something you’ve done instead of absorbing you dismiss it.”

I’m not sure how I responded verbally in the moment but I thought, “Ummm…incorrect. I don’t do that. I am humble and not braggadocious. This lady usually gets it right but she’s off with this assessment.”

It didn’t hurt my feelings or land hard and since I do value this lady’s opinion I was grateful that she felt called to ask if she could point it out. That in itself is a tough one because sometimes people really dont want to know what your thoughts are. But she trusted that the rapport we’ve built over the years made it ok. Which it was.

Ok so we finish the meeting.

I’m walking to the door and get a group text message from a client I work for commending me for doing a great job on something. This is a text with all his business partners on it. Some of who I’ve never met. I quickly respond “the company we went with did a great job on getting that to us.”

Holy! F’in! S!

Literally just moments after I’d left the convo, and before I’d even left the building, I had totes deflected. BAM!

Let’s just say the deflection messages kept appearing. In not so subtle, and also very subtle ways. Over and over.

OK UNIVERSE I GET IT! 🙄

Enough time and instances happen that I realize that my brain isn’t going to be able to noodle through this one. I mean duh obviously not if I’d gone who knows how long in deflection nation.

Because I needed help

I reached out to a coach friend and said “Yo, I need some coaching around deflection. Can you help me out?” She was totally into it {DM me on Insta if you want her info} and I hired her for an in person 90 minute session.

It was…wait for it… MIND BLOWING!

She sent me some prework that I did and submitted early {and asked for extra credit which she obliged}. When I showed up for the appointment she had my homework and some research she gave to me.

Yall we went DEEP. You know I don’t do that surface level shit. Well, I always go deep with the people I trust. Which obvs I”m only going to hire a coach I trust.

We went over the prework items. The things I was most proud of from the past 6 months to a year.

The inaugural Connector Conference, our family trip to Legoland, and attending the She Did It Her Way Summit in Chicago.

Each of these things were huge personal and professional undertakings for me. Even Legoland because that was funded by working at Play, Work or Dash for the year prior.

She asked, “Why do you deflect when people are praising you?”

I said “Depends on the situation. When people praise me for professional successes I dont really take it serious because I’m doing my job. When my client praised me by text for what I’d done on deflection realization night I really thought … this took an hour out of my day. Which he paid me for. And I used his credit card to make the purchase. It was simple.”

She waited.

Me talking again. “But this problem was something that him and his partners had been thinking about for over a year. So they didn’t just view the hour of time I spent to make the thing happen they saw a year of no movement to a solution that was going to help things for years to come. But . It. Took. Me. An. Hour.”

I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one. But with my client, I do get it. There are different things that come easy to others. He talks to high maintenance people regularly. As does my husband. While. Staying. Neutral. And NOT making up stories. Me….yall…I can’t NOT make stories up. It’s intense.

Anywho, coachy mccoacherton says, “Ok , have you been in a situation in your business where you just can’t get past something?”

And I recall how this opt in I’ve been working on for OVER FOUR WEEKS {8 hours clocked yesterday….} is flipping driving me nuts. I tell the coach how I’d mentioned in a Femworking call my inability to wrap my head around all the moving parts and one of the members confidently stated, “That would take me 10 minutes to do. Send it to me.”. I thought about how talented and skilled she is in that arena. And how when I professed my love of her tech unicorn ways had she been like “meh, it’s nothing” I would be like “what the hell, why can’t she see how major this is”. But she knows she’s great and that her confidence has grown as her expertise has. {SN: I haven’t sent her the stuff, y’all know I have to do stuff the hard way…but it will be up once I can figure out why mailchimp isn’t sending it to signer uppers…ugh!}

That’s the thing though right? There’s legit no real line on deflection and humility. Some things are going to come so easy and natural to some people while others are going to think that the person who can complete a task that they can’t is able to walk on water.

This is all so new to me {our coaching appointment was flippin yesterday} so I will share my take aways from what we discussed but this post may end up being a TO BE CONTINUED!

Take away 1:
Deflection can be a way to continue playing small. If you admit to knowing that you are super fantastic and killer at one area, you may feel pressured that you have to meet a certain expectation.

Take away 2:
When you are in awe of someone and express that and they deflect you can feel let down that they are underplaying their abilities.

Take away 3:
I personally believe that some super successful people deflect because they honestly believe that if they could do it, anyone could. So they see it as a way to empower others when those people who see/hear deflection may in fact think that this person is cut from a different cloth and in fact a super human.

Take away 4:
I deflect with the conference success and society success because I do honor and celebrate all of the small wins along the way. This is integral for me to continue moving forward. But when we get to the catalyst moment of when it all comes together others can be in awe but I’ve been behind the scenes fist pumpin and cheering myself on.

Take away 5:
Others have no idea what your big picture is so although you may be happy with your results there may be some underlying doubt about abilities and the success.

So what do you do? No seriously I’m asking. LOL.

K…guess we determined this will be a to be continued.

I did want to leave you with one thought. Facing shortcomings and character flaws is extremely challenging. BUT if you can take inventory of all the places you kick serious ass then you will be able to confront these growth opportunities head on. I felt like I had an emotional hangover today. But I also know that learning {and sharing} more about this subject will make the squish worthwhile.

Keep growing, beauties. And don’t you dare deflect that you are beautiful. We all are. Shine bright my beautiful sweethearts.

Love,
Marcian

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